Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
