the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
