Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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