I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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