would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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