cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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