i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
