We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
