I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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