You smell like a Billy Joel song
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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