He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
