You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
two words...techno handjob
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
