can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
