i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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