I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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