I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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