filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
