Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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