Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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