you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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