I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
