Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
