Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I need to wash the frat house off of me
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
