I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
