you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
