girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
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