I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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