im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
