Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
