The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
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