I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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