sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
