my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
