just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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