I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
