Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
