I wish life had little blips of pornography
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
