We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
