just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
