I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
