Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
