Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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