Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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