you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
