Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
