He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
