Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
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