cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
two words: eviction party
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
