I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
