Taylor Swift is so right about you.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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